Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
