You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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