He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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