I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The best revenge is premature balding
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
