fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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