discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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