so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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