pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
