i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
