I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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