My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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