Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
