The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
