I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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