maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
