I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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