Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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