they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
All the doctor said was why
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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