shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
