Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
