WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
