Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home