Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
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Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
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I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?