I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I would ride that face into the sunset