i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis