Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
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Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
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He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science