I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.