well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.