I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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