I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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