things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
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I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
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like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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