My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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