This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
