so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
