Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
