I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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