I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
