Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
