The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
