dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
