Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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