I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
