It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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