you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
