I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
