Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
