my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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