as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
