who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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