thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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