so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
