I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
