Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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