I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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