You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
