Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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