Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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