I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
