Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
