Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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