Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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