maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
