I think im going to throw up on grandma
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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