This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
