My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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