who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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