The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
