So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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