you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
