You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
