I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize