half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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